i changed the little dog’s name to Choochie
i invented a salad called The Riceberg
everyone’s a tranny now
I fed superdog some nutritional yeast once and now smells like nutritional yeast forever
ned
farthead
titty
the bug spray that i say i don’t want until i’m in my urban garden for two minutes and covered in fucking mosquito welts
the paint stripper i’m using on the metal rocking chair i reclaimed from the sidewalk because i am one of those people who hates to waste shit and scoffs about rich people and landfills and stuff
nail polish
the medicine that makes me not take everything personally
more than one teenager at a time
small dogs
men under 65 in suspenders
pure-bred cats
hasidic men
girls with names like “kiley”
chicken sausages
not filling anything up all the way
saying “patina”
he thought he saw a huge firefly but it was a moth flying under a light.
we loosely plotted out a horror/comedy screenplay about giant fireflies that don’t even fit in buckets.
something about chemical reactions.
something about the government.
as we headed back in from the porch he said “man, i really wish i had my laptop here—i have so many pictures of ducks.”
going to cancun and never leaving the resort is the perfect vacation because it’s a real vacation. but five days is the right amount of time, because if you stay for a week you get really bored of doing the same things every day.
you need a transitional jacket.
your hands could get so dry that it’s like an emergency.
any kind of animal with bumpy skin is really freaky.
“look at those bazooms (they’re shaped just like dabloons)”
“i found it in the fridge”
“who’s gonna put a sharp dart into my dartboard?”
“remember when you loved me (and you used to scrub me)?”
“hey… look at that dog”
“it’s a booty call”
“this is the greatest day (of my entire life)”
jenesaisfoie.com, fake pretentious food blog
point/counterpoint: a web talk show starring me and caleb taped during group acupuncture, where we discuss the past week in cyberspace
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